Thursday, October 23, 2014

LAST TIMES


Someone recently shared this writing with me for parents about how there is always a last time and it made my heart just ache. Like really ache. I mean, I sooo love watching them grow and soar and change but the reality of the last times really is hard in some ways. In reading the list I realized how many had already passed. Like there was a moment I had Reef on my hip, I set him down and without even realizing it, it had been the very last time I would ever hold him that way. The big moments are easier to recognize as they pass but some of those little moments are sneaky, they slowly slip away and it isn't until time has passed that you realize that they are gone forever.

Of course you gain new moments that are worth everything, but those sweet little moments with tiny hands and eager hearts are slipping. And it makes me ache sometimes when I face it.

Sometimes I feel like I can't hold them tight enough or long enough....even when I feel like I am soaking in every last drop of their smallness, sometimes it feels like that isn't enough.

I am okay with the ache though. I love them so much and know that the world needs people like them in it. Watching them grow into those people will be life's greatest blessing to me.





Tuesday, October 21, 2014

RETREAT


Sometimes in life, I have found that one needs to honor the need to retreat and take a break. The past two months have been this with blogging for me. Life has been full and I needed to cut somewhere, so technology was it. I love staying connected and giving readers a little heads up on what we have been up to. I am back now and am hoping to stay connected. Please stop and comment below; let me know you're still here! XOXO





Thursday, October 9, 2014

AGAINST THE GRIND


I didn't have coffee until after ten o’clock this morning. This is unheard of, really. I am one of those people that pours my first cup of joe with my eyes half open, on the way to the shower. And then I wonder, every time, why I didn't just wait until after the shower because it gets a little cold on the bathroom counter, waiting for me.

The best mornings are when I can pour that first cup with my eyes half open and then sit in my pajamas on the couch. Lately I need slippers. Texas is showing us her master plan for winter early. The cooler weather comes and goes, but I think the hint of winter is showing her face earlier than usual. This is good. Though we are a little nervous about what she has up her sleeve. Nevertheless, we love the crisp reminder to snuggle in, wrap up, slip on soft things.

Lately there is so much to do, more than ever. My body is different because of it. More hunched, tight, sore. I feel my age more than ever before, maybe even older. This is what it is to keep going, plod on, move onward, soft or not.

I should’ve started my own photography business when I was fifteen years younger. Now I go from a full-time corporate job and raising children and being a wife, to shooting portraiture of sweet darling babies, families, and pregnancy belles. With a wedding intertwined here and there. I’m always rushing home, to fight the laundry, chauffeur the kids, attend parent meetings, play with babies.

This is not complaining. This is just a story about life as it is right now. All my plates spinning in the air. It’s a balancing act. And without God’s grace, and the help of my husband, they would all come crashing down, I’m certain of it.

There is no longer a fight in me, against the work. Against the grind. I don’t know exactly why. Maybe I’m just too tired. Maybe I’m doing things I love to do. Maybe it’s just time.

Life is work and work is life and then we get to have love and the smallest and biggest of beautiful things.

I am sometimes straining my neck to see ahead, to plan, to dream. 

Nothing is bad about that. 





Friday, September 26, 2014

SIBLINGS

My favorite activity is to watch them love each other when they don't realize anyone's watching. The other day, they were playing together and suddenly Reef puckered up and without any hesitation, quickly smooched his brother. Then they just continued doing whatever it was they were doing. i just happened to look up and catch that little moment and my heart almost leaped out of my chest.

Watching their big-brother, little-brother relationship blossom is so amazing. They always say that giving your  baby a sibling is the greatest gift you can give them. Recently, I get it on the very deepest level  – and every single day i thank my lucky stars that they get each other





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