Tuesday, July 29, 2014


The most genuine glimpse into kids' souls happens when you're watching – or listening – to them ad they're not even aware that you are. they're my favorite moments to catch. that's not to say that the sweetness I see and hear when they know i'm watching is any less sweet – because it's every bit as wonderful – but the tender little slices of life i just so happen to bear witness to sometimes take my breath away.

Saturday, July 26, 2014


It can be hard to just play sometimes. To do it just for the sake of doing it, without any particular plan or purpose. no rights, no wrongs. 

For instance, just the other day, Reef took my hand and led me to the floor. "Sit here," he says. We both laid on our bellies and amused ourselves with his Little People Farm, placed the animals in their rightful places and loudly made appropriate animal sounds on their behalf. And I was noticing him notice, and it was so sweet to just be happy in our cycle of play time -- without any need to teach, direct or correct. He was bouncing his animals on top of the farm and on top of one another. He obviously wanted to be silly. And it's crazy how, even knowing that, I could still feel the voice inside me thinking maybe I should direct him back. 

I never want these thoughts to surface in our play time and even still I catch the thoughts swirling in my head. But it made me realize that, for the most part, these impulses we feel as parents to direct and correct and quiz comes from a place of us thinking that our babies think that we're engaged with the process, with them. That it's out way of showing them that we're all in. But if you step back for a second, it's so crystal clear that just being there without any agenda or goal in mind is us all in to our babies.

Reef didn't want to be quizzed about what each animal was or told where they go. He was feeling totally connected to his sweet imagination without any input from me, other than making animal noises. He's got it all figured out in play -- there's no needs for anyone to step in and bug him or distract or direct. When he gets going on his thing, his own discovery and play, he's doing just what he should be doing, exactly as he should be doing it. In his way. And sometimes that can be tricky for me, when he's in his own rad world, content and doing his own thing, that sometimes I want to join him and find our all about it. But ironically, my trying to enter his world is the very thing that would take him out of it.

Anyways, it's just interesting -- the noticing. noticing what he's doing and how content he is to be doing it, and noticing where my mind has a tendency to go. And the finding the space where I can be aware of my thoughts but just leave them as that: thoughts, not actions.

Thursday, July 24, 2014


It’s been three years since you’ve been outside of my womb, but you’ve been in my heart for 3 years and 9 months.

It’s been three years since I held you in my arms for the first time and couldn’t believe I was touching you with my hands, for real. You were so tiny and perfect on that very first day.

It’s been three years since God trusted us enough to give to us a new life to mold, a heart to hold, and a responsibility weightier than another other, to fulfill.

These past three years, Reef, I have become a better, kinder, more thoughtful, happier, more centered, more careful, grounded person. I see everything differently. I appreciate everything more. Because of YOU. FOR you. As a friend of our's said, having a child makes you “see things rightly.”

You have accomplished so much in the short time you’ve been here, Reef. Somehow, I knew you would, but seeing it all happen before my very own eyes has been an experience like no other. Seeing you become has been a testament to God’s Creation for my soul.

During these years of your life on earth, my son, you have cheated (sickness can’t stop you), stolen (Mommy and Daddy's hearts) and lied (your face isn’t the cutest possible…because it always gets more adorable tomorrow).

You make your Momma so happy, so alive. You and your siblings have topped every other accomplishment, event, situation, or experience I’ve ever had. There is nothing else in my past that I can compare to the glory that is being your mother.

You fill me up, Reef. I had so many expectations and curiosities about you. You blew them all away, and the moment I saw you with my eyes the first time, I knew that I would give my life for you, without question, in an instant.

That will never change.

I love you. Happy 3rd Birthday, my son.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...